


I'm always hoping it's you.

by gavinsaleks (ohmaggies)



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Drunken Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 05:18:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12741780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmaggies/pseuds/gavinsaleks
Summary: “And, being in love with James makes sense. It makes sense when he thinks about it, which might make it worse.Worse, because maybe there's a sense of guilt buried under the surface, the same guilt that makes his palms sweat and his breaths raggedy, and that holds him in place when James presses the first barely-there kiss to the corner of his mouth.”or, aleks has only just realised he's in love the first time james kisses him, but they're both drunk so surely it doesn't mean anything.





	I'm always hoping it's you.

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Tiếng Việt available: [[Vietnamese translation] I'm always hoping it's you.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16629581) by [higherthan_ (roccketraccoon)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roccketraccoon/pseuds/higherthan_)



> ahh !!! so after a week of binge-watching these guys, I finally wrote a fic. I haven't written one in 2+ yrs so this is probably a mess, sorry. and another sorry for any errors I have made, I'm new and trying my best, I swear! 
> 
> \- rachel.

 

1.

 

It's the echo of a reassuring 'don't worry about it’ that first reminds Aleks that maybe this really isn't such a big deal afterall. Joe had said it wasn't with such casual- yet comforting- flippancy that it seemed there was no possible way he could be wrong, or maybe Aleks was desperate enough to believe him in the moment but in hindsight, now sees exactly why he should be worried.

 

He'll blame his sweating hands on nothing like usual instead of his anxiety, his palms flat against the thigh of his pant leg as he tries to get rid of the telltale signs of worry. There's no reason to worry, he knows, and he also knows maybe he's not exactly completely all in this moment right now. In the corner, Lindsey is taking a half empty bottle of beer from Brett's hand, her voice firm but her intentions kind.

 

Maybe none of them are with it apart from Lindsey and Trevor, and the latter because he's underaged. And, somewhere weaving through the small gathering of people, Asher has a camera out trying to collect footage for a put-together video of stuff they haven't included in past behind-the-scenes. This is their life now, they know that, and maybe Aleks wouldn't mind the intrusion of a camera if James wasn't sitting right next to him, his hair tied up like usual and the slightest scent of something strong lingering in his mouth.

 

Drinking during the day is a bad idea, one hundred and ten percent. Twenty percent, even, because suddenly James’ hand is on Aleks’ knee and he's trying to say something over the music and through the alcohol in his system, and Aleks almost leans in to hear him better. Except, he doesn't. James is looking at him confused and he manages to yell something comprehensible over the music,

 

“You feeling okay, man?”

 

He wants to say 'absolutely not’ but all that comes out is a weak, “'course, dude.”

 

If it weren't for Joe watching him cautiously a few metres away, he might consider fleeing; ignoring that James is getting closer and his breath is warm on Aleks’ skin, and that Aleks wants to kiss him. He doesn't, but he wants to. The realisation came sudden and hard only a few hours ago, a hand tugging at hair and a pounding heart so loud he could almost hear it over his friends’ laughter. Loving James has never felt wrong, but being in love with him leaves an empty sensation in the pit of Aleks’ stomach. And, being in love with James makes sense. It makes sense when he thinks about it, which might make it worse.

 

Worse, because maybe there's a sense of guilt buried under the surface, the same guilt that makes his palms sweat and his breaths raggedy, and that holds him in place when James presses the first barely-there kiss to the corner of his mouth. He draws it down to beer and everything else they've taken, and let's out a nervous parody of his laugh when another kiss lands closer this time, soft, warm, and wet.

 

“What the fuck, dude?”

 

Another laugh, faker and that much more uncertain. Asher still has his camera out, their friends are around them, and even then, nothing really seems to matter the second Aleks feels James’ hand cup his cheek. He can hear his own lack of breath, feel the way he goes lightheaded the moment they meet eyes, both too drunk and high to focus on much else. Aleks considers pulling away for a second, even wills his body to slide out of James’ grasp and go somewhere where he won't be able to kiss his best friend, but he can't.

 

It was Joe that Aleks told, tugging the man's headphones off while he was in the middle of working on something going up next week. And, Joe has always been too kind to get mad, just looked up and smiled, but stilled when he noticed the pained look on Aleks’ face. Even when Aleks took him aside and explained how he felt in the simplest of terms, Joe just shrugged and told him not to worry about it, with a smile so certain all Aleks could do was say 'yeah, thanks’ and go back to an internal panic.

 

He's trying really hard not to worry about it, especially when James closes the distance between their mouth's and Aleks feels his whole world speed up around him, focussed only on the warmth of James’ mouth and the softness of his hand prickling the slightest of facial hair on Aleks’ face.

 

Aleks has been kissed plenty of times before, enough that he can count on both fingers and then some- in every world, every universe, James wins every time. Maybe drunkenness has made Aleks delusional, but the flutter in his chest reminds him that he's in love, and James pulls away only to look around at their friends, their kiss unnoticed, before looking back at Aleks with a smile. It's so small, so bright, that at first, in a drunken haze and post-kiss, Aleks isn't even sure it's for him until James laughs quietly and kisses him again.

 

In the back of his mind, Aleks hopes Asher has the sense to edit this out.

 

2.

 

They're shoved off to the corner at some event neither of them care enough to find exactly what it is. Aleks is there for the free alcohol, one hand wrapped loosely around a glass and the other clutching James’ arm to avoid losing him in the crowds. There's a couch in the other corner that James wants to get to, his exasperated 'Aleksandr!’ enough to move Aleks’ feet on their own.

 

Last time they were on a couch together in a party much like this but far more familiar, Aleks had been thinking about how in love he is when James kissed him. They didn't talk about it after but often, Aleks considered leaning down to kiss the other while he passed him; thought about closing the distance between them during a particularly boring part of some video they were filming on their weary couch.

 

Except, he never did. Just caught Joe looking at him from behind a camera or from behind a desk, gaze torn between curiosity and pity. Aleks almost had half the sense to jokingly tell him to mind his own business, but one of the few things keeping him from tugging on James’ hair and kissing him was the man in the other corner. Joe had made him promise not to do anything without talking to James first, so he doesn't do anything.

 

It's not that he'll never say anything, it's just that one drunken kiss while they were both celebrating doesn't exactly mean James feels a semblance of what Aleks does. Maybe being in love with your best friend, and constantly thinking about how much you want to kiss them while they're close enough to kiss, is just one of those things you keep to yourself.

 

Aleks let's James drag him through the crowd, leaning in briefly to make a joke, his voice quiet but loud in James’ ear.

 

“Jason!”

 

James just shakes his head, his disappointed laugh a warm feeling in Aleks’ chest. Making someone laugh is always nice but making James laugh is enough to cause some unwarranted thoughts about kissing him and having him doing the same under him, and Aleks leans away from his friend's shoulder to peer over for the couch they were trying to get to.

 

It's been taken by a young couple, both slightly tipsy and laughing, and _happy_ , and before Aleks can tear his eyes away from them or argue, James is pulling him towards the door to outside.

 

There's no one else out there apart from a bartender in the corner who looks like they wanna be anywhere but here, too occupied with their phone to notice Aleks and James pushing the door open and piling out onto the roof. It's quiet, the deafening music from inside muffled through the glass doors and windows. In a way, it's nice to be away from all the screaming and yelling of people much younger than them, or those too old to be acting like that. In another, Aleks almost misses the chaos of inside, how hardly noticeable everything was in there.

 

James had made a small, probably joking, comment when they arrived about the crowds and his social anxiety, and Aleks had shoved him with a mischievous smile and told him to get over it. Now he thinks he gets what he meant; the suffocating crowds, the lack of recognition of where you are because it's always changing, the tightness in his chest.

 

He's suddenly even more glad James dragged them away from it.

 

That is, until they're both sitting against a cold wall, backs frozen through, and James throws him a drunk, sideways glance. He's definitely drunk, Aleks watched him throw back drinks behind the bar like they were never-ending. Unlike James, sure, but they've been so busy the past few days that this party is one of few times they can really relax.

 

And it's not like Aleks hasn't been drinking either. Less than James, yeah, but he still went to the open bar at barely eleven in the morning and drank enough for his words to be slurred ever so slightly. Them hungover and tired will make for a good video tomorrow, for now Aleks is just glad they don't have any responsibilities for the rest of the afternoon.

 

“Yo, you ever think about, like, how-”

 

Whatever he was going to say long forgotten, Aleks tries to steady himself, James hand on the side of his neck, drawing their lips together for a long moment. Aleks doesn't kiss back at first, sitting there shocked until James pulls away, eyes flooding with concern. They're too drunk for this, they know, _Aleks_ knows, but he still pulls James back by the front of his shirt when he goes to move away.

 

Aleks missed this, he realises. Missed James’ soft mouth and his curly hair, and getting to kiss his best friend who he's in love with. Worse things have happened, and even though he remembers the low after he kissed James the first time, he lets himself enjoy it- works on memorising the feel of his lips against his, a hand exploring his hair, their breaths heavy and synchronised.

 

So they're drunk and James won't remember it like he probably didn't the first time, but Aleks definitely will; works on making sure he will.

 

It's James who pulls away first, eyes soft but bright, staring while a finger starts to trace the skin on Aleks’ cheek. They're stupid and drunk, and it means nothing to James that they're doing this because to him they're just friends, really, really good friends who have made out the past two times they were drunk together. The thought is enough to make Aleks sick, and he turns behind him to a pot plant to do just that.

 

He already misses being kissed but James settles a hand on the small of his back and asks if he's okay, and things don't seem so bad after all. James is his best friend and they love each other because they've been friends for so long, and a few drunk kisses isn't going to ruin anything they've worked years on. Aleks just hopes he knows what he's doing, and how he's going to deal with all this when he's sober.

 

3.

They're slightly less drunk the third time it happens, James’ hair loose and soft around his face, Aleks with his arm thrown casually around his shoulders next to him. It feels nice, normal, even, and Aleks shakes off Joe's stare when he catches James leaning over to whisper into Aleks’ ear. He has his index finger tugging at Aleks’ shirt to hold him in place, the vodka on his breath tingling against the other's neck.

 

“I fuckin’ hate Mario Party, Aleksandr.”

 

Aleks laughs, the kind that has his eyes shut and the skin around crinkled, and James gets the drunken urge to lean forward and kiss his smile so he does. The angle is awkward and Aleks is still against him but when he moves to life, kissing back hesitantly, James whispers his name, wonders if this has to mean anything. If it means anything to Aleks.

-

 

Brett has had to pick them up more than once, and more than either of them can remember because they're usually blackout drunk. James and Aleks are in the back, arguing with soft smiles over where to put their seatbelts, and Brett is watching in the rearview mirror like a concerned parent.

 

Joe had called him to ask him to look after them, said muffled on the end of the call that they'd gotten drunk playing Mario Party and everyone else was too tipsy to even consider driving. It hadn't taken much convincing before Brett had shown up sober and with a car, and with an arm guiding Aleks back to the car while James, in a slightly better state, followed.

 

It'd taken three 'in you get, buddy’ before Aleks had found his seat in the car and managed to sit down with some help from Brett, and with James beside him watching. It wasn't entirely unusual to get calls like this, but it was unusual to see the lack of usual sarcasm and wit that typically popped up when a certain Russian currently residing in Brett's backseat got drunk.

 

James managed to buckle them both despite Aleks’ unsure protests, his hand coming up to rest on his cheek while he slurred his thanks. Brett was almost grateful that he was driving because he could hear James unbuckle and shift towards Aleks from the seat two away from his, and the sound of kissing and drunk regret was unmistakeable.

 

“Guys, come on!” A glance in the mirror while he slowed to a stop at a red light, the road empty and Aleks’ house only a few blocks away. It's a comfort to know they'll be home soon and when they go into work tomorrow, it'll be sober and not as exhausted as they both look right now.

 

Brett presses lightly on the gas pedal and James, not buckled in, let's out a soft screech, almost pulling Aleks with him. By the time he's steadied himself and buckled in, this time with no kissing or disturbing noises in the back of Brett's car, Aleks’ house is next to them, the car stopped. James is almost asleep, his lips quirking in a smile when Aleks cards a hand through his thick hair.

 

The doors lock as Aleks reaches towards his, meeting Brett's eye in the rearview mirror.

 

“You know what you're doing, buddy?” It's innocent enough and Brett knows they've all gotten drunk and kissed someone they shouldn't have before; but, with James and Aleks it's different. They're close, they're best friends, and too many things have been ruined with drunken kisses. Brett hopes this isn't one of those things, because how stupid could you be to make out with your best friend and coworker when a falling out could ruin everything?

 

“Shit if I know, man.”

 

A laugh as Brett unlocks the door, waiting for Aleks to fumble with his car keys and go inside before he drives off to take James home. By now, the man is stirring in his seat, hair a mess and clothes wrinkled and smelling strongly of whatever he was drinking. Brett just hopes his car doesn't smell like that for the rest of the week, now.

 

4.

It's different this time.

 

Or, he tells himself it is but he's drunk again and James is sober and chatting to someone Aleks recognises but not enough to know their name. They're not very memorable because Aleks can hear James ask them their name, too, and he almost laughs at how ridiculous it is. Him, in the corner drunk and alone, and hopelessly in love with his best friend. The words 'in love’ feel stuck in his throat.

 

After the last time, Joe had cornered him in the kitchen and made him say he'd tell James. And, he knows he'll have to eventually but right now he'd rather not be the guy who's in love and stupid, and who keeps getting drunk with his friend so he can kiss him. In the back of his mind, Brett's voice saying 'you know what you're doing?’ lingers.

 

Before he knows what he's doing, he catches James’ eyes and stands up, bottle clinking on the table as he settles it down. He feels stupid, that's how he feels, and he can feel the churn of unrequited love and ridiculous drunk kisses burn in his throat. James is still talking to No Name but his body is angled just far enough that Aleks manages to push through the crowd to get to him.

 

James’ face lights up, a smile reserved only for Aleks on his face. “Hey, I-”

 

Time doesn't slow down like it does in the movies. Aleks has a finger tilting down James’ jaw as he kisses him, the entire room swaying to a standstill out of their own accord. Aleks wishes he wasn't dumb, so absolutely stupid as to be too scared to tell James how he feels but not enough to kiss him in front of all their friends and a crowd of strangers. It's them that he realises James isn't kissing back and that unlike Aleks, he's entirely sober.

 

Butterflies swallowed Aleks’ insides, the churn of anxiety enough to make him pull away and try to swallow his own embarrassment. James is staring and though his face is void of disgust or worry, he looks shocked, almost, and Aleks puts his arms out to push him. It's soft, sending James barely stumbling but he still stares.

 

“Shit, dude!” Aleks exclaims, voice like a shout now that the music's stopped and no one's talking.

 

Behind James, Aleks catches sight of Joe, eyes wide and concerned, and Aleks wants the whole ground to swallow him up. But, James’ hair is down and soft, and he can't stop thinking about kissing him. The silence is short-lived, James taking a step forward, hands awkwardly half-shoved in the pockets of his jeans.

 

“Aleksandr…” soft and small, like Aleks didn't just kiss him without warning in front of everyone. But James is suddenly closer, and close enough that Aleks wonders partly if he's going to slap him or kiss him back. He leans forward and Aleks can only go still, his usual loudness and, sometimes, rowdiness gone.

 

James kisses him, a hand soft on his cheek and the other settled on Aleks' jaw, tipping it ever so slightly up. Sober James kisses a lot better than Drunk James, his movements and touches much softer and careful. It's unfamiliar but home all at once, Aleks heart once again beating so hard against his chest he wonders if anyone else can hear it.

 

Aleks still remembers the second time, with James’ hands in his hair and their lips perfectly slotted together, and despite knowing eventually he'll have to explain everything, lets himself enjoy the moment. James is sober and his hair is tickling against Aleks’ cheek, and for as long as they kiss, the world almost makes sense again.

 

“ _Dude_.”

 

“Yeah,” James laughs, “ _dude_.”

 

This time the kiss is slower, so faint it's barely there but enough that Aleks chases after James’ lips when he goes to move away. It's met with a small laugh, one that's swallowed into a kiss and replaced by a smile. This is different, different but good, and James seems to think so because he mumbles something almost unintelligible against Aleks' mouth that sounds a lot like, 'I really do hate Mario Party.’

 

Somewhere in the distance, Brett's voice: “Alright, nothing to see here!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for reading!!! leave a kudos and a comment if you feel like it, it'd be much appreciated, and have a great day!


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